Newly Discovered Element May Explain Progressives Addiction to Controlling Your Lives
The human body is primarily composed of seven elements; oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. A newly discovered seventh element, Governmentium, has been found to be present at toxic levels in the bodies of progressives, Marxists, socialists and Obama voters.
Researchers say that the properties of Govermentium act in such a way as to make those suffering from this imbalance to mutate into anal-retentive control freaks. Symptoms manifest as obsessive compulsive leadership, resulting in mass redundancy,inertia and mental paralysis in those so afflicted.
The element’s name is due to the fact that it has been found to afflict primarily those who work for the government or for the “greater good” in any capacity. This discovery also goes to substantiating the popular theory that has long held that liberalism is a mental disease. At present, there is no known antidote.
Sufferers can be recognized by their obsessive use of words like “change”, “hope”, and “racist”, uttered in uncontrolled outbursts similar to Tourettes. These seizures have particularly been noted in Obama voters.
Sphere: Related ContentA major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
Dull Men’s Club via LGF
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 at 12:56 pm and is filed under Humor, Liberals Suck, Whimsy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
"Conjure magic for them and they'll be distracted. Take away their freedom, and still they'll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the Senate. It's the sand of the Coliseum. He'll bring them death... and they will love him for it."
